i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
