That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
