People in love make me want to vomit
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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