I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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