you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
