Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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