So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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