South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize