Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
