I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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