pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
