i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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