Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
