I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
