On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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