come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize