you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
