Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
