I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
