god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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