meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Farmville is her only friend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
