What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
