dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
