i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
