Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
