This is not my ceiling
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
