My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
