Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize