Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
