Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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