Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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