so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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