.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
