maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
