mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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