Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said her name was "party"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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