dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
