just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
