apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
