Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
