Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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