The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
