you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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