Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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