he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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