never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
did i just pee glitter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
