I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
