i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
