I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
