Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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