I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
