This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
