I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize