Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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