Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize