I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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