Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How naked do you want me to be?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
