i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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