why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
