Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
