Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They took my balls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
