I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
