my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
