I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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