When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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