i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
