Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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