I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
