Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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