my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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