Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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