I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
