Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
