was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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