that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
