Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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