I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A+ Viking dick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
