I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize