i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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