get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize