I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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