I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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