i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
