I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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