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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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