So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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