this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
