great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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