I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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