This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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