ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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