Your face is a jimmy john
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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