Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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