yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it glows. i had to have it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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